What you need to know about London.
1. Big red double-decker buses are actually for real.
2. The Tube. I won't hear a word against it.
3. ^ Though, there is that little issue of the Tube closing at midnight. Meanwhile nobody drives. Taxi it is.
4. Goodbye savings if you ever do need to get a taxi.
5. Which you shouldn't have to because MOST BUSES RUN 24 HOURS A DAY! Problem solved.
6. Never buy single Tube tickets at four pounds a pop!
7. Oyster is God.
8. It starts to rain, you blink and suddenly those around you are all in gumboots and holding umbrellas. Except you.
9. ^You're not wearing gumboots and you forgot your umbrella. Every time.
10. Thinking you're on a Harry Potter set when the food cart comes through on a train.
11. Actually going to Harry Potter sets.
12. Boris bike stands are EVERYWHERE. Until you actually want to rent a bike or return one. Then they disappear.
13. Being asked, “you right, love?” and wondering what you’ve done wrong.
14. Learning that “you right, love?” means how are you?
15. Opening a beautiful red phone box for a photo opportunity and uncovering a garbage dump/ toilet / sick bowl. Every time.
16. You learn the true meaning of “spend a penny”.
17. ^ By penny, they actually mean about 50p.
18. Flat white means nothing to them. That’s right.
19. The police uniforms!
20. ^Wanting to squeeze their cheeks. How could you ever take them seriously?
21. Playing real-life Monopoly. Oxford Street. Regent Street. Piccadilly. Leicester Square. Trafalgar Square.
22. BAM, it's Charles Dickens's house right there as you're just walking the streets.
23. Just roaming the streets and,well, hey there Buckingham Palace!
24. When you get to Buckingham Palace you can’t resist trying to make the guards laugh.
25. Hoping, just hoping that the Queen will stick her head out the window to say hello.
26. The accents. Oh, the accents.
27. Free WiFi EVERYWHERE.
28. Fast free WiFi at that.
29. Oh, the cheese. £2 Camembert for breakfast anybody?
30. No need for bottle shops when your can buy a bottle of vodka alongside your cheese at the supermarket!
31. International train stations. But how?
32. Crossing countries by land will never get old (I am from Australia).
33. A train to the airport will cost more than your airfare. Guaranteed.
34. Getting luggage on an airplane will cost more than the actual airfare. Guaranteed.
35. You soon learn that trains are a far better option than planes.
36. ^ Because low-cost carriers are a joke.
37. Paris is 2.5 hours away by train. Are you kidding?
38. 24hr pharmacies and supermarkets? Everything is open so late!
39. ^ Go to Australia before you dispute that one.
40. Camden and the markets!
41. London is a wonderfully multicultural place.
42. Oxford Street Primark. Don’t expect to come out alive.